Fresh from a totally sold-out season of (free) shows at Burning Man, the Falzone-Buzukhov family is rumored to have purchased the only building in Las Vegas they could possibly afford, the asbestos-ridden Milan Bakery on Fremont Street, where the Falzone Family Circus Las Vegas emblazoned banner mysteriously appeared this week.
The Gazillionaire, the proprietor and financier of Absinthe at Caesars Palace – and friend of the Falzone family comments, “I don’t know what the hell you are talking about. Some guy with a Russian accent called me up the other day and said he needed a bag of cash so I gave it to him. What’s new? Leave me alone.”
The Falzone Family Circus has known great tragedy over the years, from their near-destruction after the 1906 San Francisco earthquake when their circus was burned to the ground, to their more recent demise in Las Vegas when their circus was shuttered at the hands of foreign bankers, a move that family patriarch Alfonso Buzukhov always attributed to enmity resulting from a gambling debt his great-grandfather incurred (and disputed) while visiting Berlin in 1934. Attempting to resurrect the circus at Burning Man this year, the next generation of family members led by Daveed Falzone-Buzukhov was disappointed that Alfonso never showed up on The Playa.
“If it’s true, I would be delighted to welcome the Falzones to Fremont Street,” shared local restaurateur and proprietor of PublicUs, Kimo Akiona. “Yesterday morning, I thought I spotted Alfonso doing a crossword in cyrillic at a table in front of PublicUs. But by the time I brought him out a coffee, he had vanished.”
This latest development has the family and local Downtown community leaders even more perplexed.
Downtown clogmeister Tony Hsieh added, “I received a note from a guy called Alfonso asking if he could borrow my pet alpaca for a circus, but so far he has not shown up.”
This is clearly a developing story.
Daveed Falzone-Buzukhov said today, “We call on members of the public to let us know if they see our beloved patriarch Alfonso. We want to know what he intends to do with an old bakery on Fremont Street. Hopefully he has a plan, and hopefully we will finally make some dough, as this family is broke.”
For more information on the Fazlone-Buzukhov family, please refer to falzonebuzukhov.ru which may or may not have have been updated in the past ten years. Or hacked.